Because Your Absence Kills Me
by loveableabusive
Summary: Kyoko is missing and the only clue is a scrawled note found in Ren's apartment. How did she get in? Where is she now? Does this connect to Ren's mysterious past? And to what lengths would Ren go to find the girl he loves? Rated M for future chapters.  D
1. Prologue

Because your absence kills me

A Skip Beat! Fanfiction

**Summary****:** Kyoko is missing and the only clue is a hastily scrawled note found in Ren's apartment. How did she get in? Where is she now? Does this connect to Ren's mysterious past? And to what lengths would Ren go to find the girl he loves?

**Disclaimer:** I would be lying if I said I owned Skip Beat. I wish I did... but then it probably won't be nearly as popular :'(

**Takes place a little before the Cain/Setsu. Dark Moon isn't finished and Kyoko is also in Box R – just an idea I had and I loved it. Enjoy please! =D**

**Prologue**

The detective glanced at his notebook, fighting the urge to shake his soaking hair like a dog as he felt the rainwater creep under his collar and between his shoulder blades. He should've felt guilty for dripping on such expensive flooring but part of him loved inconveniencing the young handsome actor who sat stiffly in a seat two yards away from him, but the professional part of him warned him to keep his mouth shut. So he only cleared his throat and flipped over a page, looking down at his notes before glancing back up at Ren Tsuruga.

Ren was glowering at the detective, but for a completely different reason than the puddle that was steadily spreading from around his smartly shod feet, the rainwater merely running off his leather coat smoothly and soaking into the carpet. No. Ren was chafing at the waste of time this inept detective represented. He served as nothing but a reminder of what Ren still had to do. His fists clenched. _Why was he being delayed?_

"So, the last time you saw Kyoko Mogami was last week?"

Ren sighed. "That was what I said. I really don't have time for this repetition, Detective Riuu. You have asked me every question that could be relevant to Ms Mogami's disappearance. There is nothing further for us to discuss."

Ren watched with some satisfaction as the Detective bristled and popped his notebook back into his pocket in his drenched coat. "I am trying to help find your colleague Tsuruga-san. I would do my job better with every piece of information. I apologise if it seems we are repeating ourselves but this is a serious case. While not being very well known, Kyoko Mogami is an actress, but at the same time she is a seventeen year old girl – we need to find her _now_."

Ren stood up. "Then do not waste your time asking me pointless questions. I can safely say that I want Mogami-san back far more than you do so there is no reason to believe that I would not tell you everything I know." He was being rude but he found that he didn't really care, so he yanked open his door and stepped back, waiting for the dripping detective to leave.

The detective sighed and slowly walked over to the door, but when he reached it, he handed a small white card to Ren. "Call me if you find anything or if anything happens." When Ren's face remained impassive, the detective sighed. "I'm trying to help, Tsuruga-san, please do not fight me."

And he left. Ren's hand itched to slam the door but he closed it quietly and strolled easily into the main sitting room, the very picture of calm and patience, but that is where he came to a standstill, staring completely in to space. Three days and _nothing _had been heard from Kyoko. She didn't show up for filming Box 'R' yesterday, or the day before – just vanishing without so much as a word to anyone. Whenever anyone tried to call her phone, it went straight to voice mail. It was as if she had disappeared without a trace.

Well... almost.

Ren moved to the far wall and, leaning his back against it, he slid down to the floor, his eyes closed. "Kyoko." Heaving a great sigh, he reached into his pocket and drew out a very creased piece of paper, so worn from being unfolded and folded over and over again, time after time, as if the reader hoped the message would change, or that some hidden clue would suddenly present itself.

_Turuga-san, I think I'm being followed. I don't know who it is, but I'm scared. I think I'm really in trouble this time. Help me._

_Mogami_

Ren closed his eyes again and allowed his head to fall back once again, ignoring the pain when it hit the wall with a resounding crack. She wanted his help. The note proved that, but he had found it folded on his pillow when he had gotten back from filming three days ago - so, he figured - just before she went missing. He still hadn't worked out how she had gotten in, and if she was here, _why the hell did she leave again if she were in danger?_

But he hadn't been in time to save her. Why was he never around when she needed him the most... the time with that that stalker... _that... Reino _… that damn Fuwa was the one to protect her from him, and now, when Kyoko needed him more than ever, he wasn't there, and the danger was getting worse by the second.

Without further thought, Ren leapt to his feet, running to his door to throw on his jacket and push on his shoes before he fled from the apartment, barely stopping to lock the door after him.

_I'm coming Kyoko._

**End of the prologue! I know it's so short, and I apologise buuuut It is the prologue and I promise that all chapters will be probably six times the size of this x3 Please review! And if you have any suggestions, I am definitely open to change my ideas. The basic plot is sorted – but I might need bits and pieces to help him on his way! Any help would be appreciated xx**


	2. Favours

**Disclaimer:** I would be lying if I said I owned Skip Beat. I wish I did... but then it probably wouldn't be nearly as popular :'( and it would probably be labelled as Hentai...

**Because your absence kills me**

**Chapter One**

Favours

"Any word?" Pleasantries were forgotten as Ren charged into the LME President's home office fifteen minutes later. It was not strange that Lory was working from home, even at such an hour, but what Ren did not expect was the look of profound sadness and worry upon the President's face. His forward momentum fizzled as he saw his expression and stumbled to a very strange stop. He was taken aback by Lory's expression – unable to believe that anyone could be even _nearly_ as worried as Ren. Of course Ren had never met the couple with whom Kyoko lived, but he was almost certain that even their pain did not match his desperation to find her.

"None." Ren muttered when he had come to his senses. He sighed and ran a hand through his sodden hair. "But I do have a few questions for you..."

Lory gave a sad smile. "This is a surprising career change for you Ren." When Ren glared at the LME President, he sobered nodded to him. "I've told pretty much everything I know to the Detective. I called the police this morning when Mogami-san still didn't turn up for work, obviously calling the couple who she lives with first, and they're just as worried as us."

Ren didn't like to hear that his worry was on the same level as the LME president's, but he showed nothing, instead ignoring everything Lory said and continuing with his questions. "Did you hear anything about Kyoko being followed? Not long before she went missing?"

The President frowned. "Not from my sources Ren... what... what makes you think Mogami-san would be followed? You believe this is a kidnapping? She is not as well known as some of the actresses they could prey on here. Easier targets too... what has set you on this line of thinking?"

Sighing, Ren drew the note from his pocket and tossed it on the desk. If anyone could help, it was Lory. He was one of the most resourceful people he knew. He knew of no one else who could help him get Kyoko back.

Lory stared at the note for a long time before his eyes flicked back to Ren's face. "I told you Ren, I will not help-"

"This is not work related, sir." Ren insisted, leaning on the desk and staring at the President intently. "I'm not trying to find her because of her ties to Dark Moon. This... This is purely a personal matter." He knew that Lory would never ever use such awful reasoning to not help Ren's own investigation, and had a very strong suspicion that the love-obsessed president wished to force Ren to admit that his desire to have Kyoko back was, in fact, a personal one. A very personal one.

Lory sighed and lifted the note with two fingers, and flipping it open carefully with his other hand. As his eyes scanned it, his frown became more pronounced. "Why... why have you brought this to me Ren? This should be in the hands of the police!"

"Because the police can do nothing! All they do is plod along and collect evidence. But I'm not going to let that little piece of paper rot in some plastic bag while they struggle to come up with the conclusion that I've had for the last three days and think its a big breakthrough. Kyoko has been taken. I don't know who by and I don't know why but I am going to find her and I am _going_ to make them pay. They have no right to steal such an innocent girl from her life and I will stop at nothing until she is returned to me where she belongs!" Ren was panting like a wounded beast when he had finished his rant but the president's face seemed unperturbed. Inside, Ren was screaming at himself... _but she doesn't belong with you_. He mentally shook himself. _Yet__._

"You've forgotten yourself Ren. You're starting to break through." Was all he said.

"I don't care!" Ren slammed his fists down on Lory's mahogany desk, his eyes blazing. "Kyoko is in trouble."

"If you don't care, then why are you still wearing that damn watch Kuon?"

Ren winced at both the reminder and the wound that Lory's voice had inflicted on him, his eyes automatically flicking down to the broken watch that decorated his wrist. 2:13am. He closed his eyes for a moment, but when he opened them again, he was glaring at Lory. "I came here for your help, not to be treated like a child. You are probably the only person I know who can help get Kyoko back. I don't want to owe you any more favours but this is _Kyoko_ we're talking about. We have our differences Lory, but we need to put them aside."

Lory glanced at the note again. "This is the only clue you have? Where was it?"

"In my apartment. That's another thing I don't understand. One, how did she get in there to leave the note, and two, why did she leave? I've tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible in my apartment, so I think, if she was that scared, leaving would be the last thing she'd do."

Lory smiled. "You know Mogami-san. She would hate to impose upon anyone, you especially. And it would be the very last thing she'd want to drag trouble to your doorstep." He folded the note and tapped it against his lips in thought. "But to even approach you for help, that is unlike her."

Ren nodded, knowing that if the situation had not been so dire, he would've been smiling fondly at the thought of Kyoko's independence.

"Her absence is really killing you isn't it?" Ren looked up at the president but said nothing, watching him as he sighed. "But Ren, I don't understand. How are you going to find Mogami-san without involving the police? You have one clue, and that doesn't even tell us anything other than she thinks she was being followed. You don't have the resources needed to pull off such a large-scale search with so little idea as to where she could be! How are you going to narrow it down Ren?"

"I'm going to take a leaf out of the kind detective's book." He looked at Lory. "Question everyone until their ears bleed or they crack. If Kyoko's life wasn't at stake, I would probably enjoy myself."

Lory chuckled sadly then cocked his head to one side, his face creasing into a contemplative frown. "You know, Ren... you look awful."

**O**

Yashiro was waiting by his apartment building, nervously cleaning his glasses as the birds chirped and hopped ecstatically along the low-leaning brances of the cherry tree they had chosen as their particular perch for the day. It was the crack of dawn, and Ren was late. The never late god... was late. Yashiro squinted down the deserted street impatiently, waiting to see Ren's ostentatious white vehicle roaring up the asphalt, before replacing his glasses and gently placing his briefcase on the floor by his right leg. He then took a latex glove out of his left pocket, struggled to get it on his right hand before reaching into his other pocket to retrieve his cellphone.

_The person you are calling cannot take your call – please leave a message_ -

Yashiro frowned and closed the phone again. And to boot, his phone is either off, or he's in the middle of a blasted phone call at 7am. He glanced at the time, correction, 07:11am.

Well to be fair, he wasn't _late _for anything but picking up Yashiro, as it had been the manager's plan to take Ren somewhere good for breakfast before his day was due to start – a sort of silent promise that he would look after Ren's eating habits in Kyoko-chan's absence. And even this early in the morning, Ren would be waiting _in _his car outside Yashiro's apartment building, the engine running impatiently, waiting for Yashiro to get his butt into gear. But this time, Ren was nowhere to be seen. Yashiro really wished he could drive. It was embarrassing to be driven around by his charge.

He arrived five minutes later. Yashiro had tried his phone another three times, but it went directly to voicemail. This was not like Ren.

But when he ducked into the car and looked over at the actor, the words he was about to throw carelessly at him froze on his tongue.

Ren looked a mess. It wasn't the fact that his shirt was creased and not done up correctly or the fact that his hair was unkempt and lacked the amazing shine that always dazzled the female fans, or even the fact that he was wearing the same white pants as yesterday, it was his whole image. He was slumped in the driver's seat, staring straight ahead but seeing nothing, his eyes, which were shaded by purple bruise-like shadows, lacked their usual shine and his mouth seemed to be weighted down at the corners by half-ton weights.

"Please. Don't start." Ren muttered into the suddenly astonished silence. Yashiro hung his head and settled himself into the car, swallowing all the questions he was burning to ask, but Ren did not move the car. He was frozen, his hands clamped so hard on his steering wheel his knuckles were going white. It was a wonder that he even managed to drive from his apartment. _But then_, Yashiro thought, staring at his friend, _he was over fifteen minutes late_.

They sat in silence for ten minutes before Yashiro spoke. "You haven't slept have you?"

Ren's grip on the steering wheel increased.

"Since she disappeared?"

No answer, but Yashiro sensed the truth in his posture.

"What was the last thing you ate?"

"I don't remember."

He had never seen Ren like this. He always made a point of looking after himself (unless you count food of course) so it was so strange for Ren to wear the same clothes twice, to skip having a shower, not to sleep when he was supposed to, and Yashiro did not like it. This wasn't Ren. This was some foreign creature who had possessed his dear friend – a changeling and he'd have to force a red hot poker down his friend's throat to get the real Ren back.

Yashiro blinked in confusion, great, now he was thinking like Kyoko-chan.

But in all reality, there was no way Ren could work today – he looked awful and probably felt worse and Yashiro's heart went out to him. How hard must it be to lose the woman you love? He couldn't imagine.

"Can you stop staring at me Yashiro-san? I'm trying to think."

"You look awful."

"I know."

"You can't work in this state."

"I know."

"I'm going to call the director... tell him you're sick"

"I know."

Yashiro stared. "Do you really think Kyoko-chan would appreciate you killing yourself worrying about her so much?" He hated pulling out the guilt card, but there was very little else that would get through to a guy like Ren in this situation.

"I'm not killing myself out of worry." Ren said and Yashiro had to fight the urge to strangle him, staring at him in amazement.

"So you are trying to kill yourself?"

Ren gave Yashiro a despairing glance, looking a little more like himself but when he looked back at the street that was steadily getting busier, all familiarity ceased. "I'm trying to find her, not trying to kill myself. What use would I be to Kyoko dead?"

"Glad to see you haven't taken complete leave of your senses." Yashiro muttered, only half sarcastic.

"I'll explain properly... I saw the President of LME last night." Ren said slowly, ignoring Yashiro. "From tomorrow on, I'm on a sudden vacation to the Caribbean Islands, due to whatever excuse he can come up with to feed the directors and the press. So it doesn't really matter how I look today. You already said you'll call in sick for me."

Yashiro watched Ren for a while, hearing the constant weariness in his voice as he spoke – but none of the words seemed to register for a while. Until. _Click_. "you're taking _time off_?"

"It's not _real_ time off," Ren told him. "I'm not _really _going to be hiding in the Caribbean. It'll just give me time to find Kyoko."

"There are people who get paid for this. They're called the police."

Ren snorted. Not only did he look a mess, his personality was all out of whack. It was definitely as if someone else was wearing his skin. Yashiro found himself wondering where he could get a poker from without Ren noticing and he shook his head, clearing the thoughts. Maybe Kyoko was dead and had possessed him, taking over his thoughts before his body?

He froze. Kyoko... dead?

As quick as a flash, Yashiro was clinging onto Ren's burgundy shirt tears streaming down his face, screaming something like, "YOU'VE GORRA FIND HERRRR!" Ren, quite alarmed by this sudden change, patted Yashiro's shoulder a little awkwardly. Still the sobbing manager didn't move, and Ren was forced to peel him off and place him back in his own seat, where he sat, still sniffling but thankfully stationary.

"I've got to visit a friend of mine." Ren said into the wet silence. Yashiro looked up, his eyes still red. "People will recognise me if I'm walking around Tokyo."

"You... you're going to get a disguise?"

"You could say that."

"Should I go home then?"

"Don't be silly Yashiro."

Yashiro frowned, all traces of tears gone. "And why not?"

Ren's face suddenly split into the sparkling smile Kyoko always seemed to be terrified off, even though Yashiro had never really understood why... Now he was on the receiving end of it, he _knew_ why. His blood drained from his body.

"You're getting one too, Yashiro-san! How am I going to be able to find Kyoko, in a city as big as Tokyo without my faithful manager? You weren't planning on letting me go along on my own were you?"

**O**

"RENNNNN!"

"Darling told me all about your little _mission_!" The bright woman practically _bounded_ toward Ren and Yashiro as they entered the main hall in the President's home. Lory himself was at the LME building, but had told Ren that the stylist would be waiting for him at his home. Jerry* Woods, as usual, fizzed with an energy far beyond anyone expected from such a slight woman, and as she began buzzing at Ren, talking nearly far too fast for him to listen, he started feeling more tired than he had over the last three days. Jerry had that effect on people.

Yashiro shrunk back behind Ren's back a little, his eyes wide. "She scares me." He whispered.

"So!" The woman clapped her hands together, bangles jiggling on her thin wrist. "What are we going for today Ren-kun?"

Ren looked down at himself. "Pretty much the opposite of Ren." He said with a shrug. But then he backtracked. "But still male." Walking through Tokyo dressed as a woman did not sound attractive to him.

Jerry pouted. "Are you sure? You'd make a mighty pretty lady."

Yashiro snorted and Ren glanced back at him, daggers ready in his pupils.

"And this is your manager Ren-kun?" Jerry skipped over to Yashiro and he almost recoiled in horror as she grinned at him. "My name is Jerry Woods, Yashiro-san! My Darling has already given me your sizes, so we can get started right away! Sit down and make yourself at home, while I go sort out bits and pieces. Help yourself to cake." She motioned to the coffee table neither men had noticed yet. It was filled to groaning will all sorts of cake and sweet pastries. Ren sighed and picked up a slice of something that looked oddly like a banoffee cake, while Yashiro stared at Jerry's retreating back.

"...Who's her darling?"

Ren sniffed at the food in front of him with a dubious look on his face, then caught some of the cream on his little finger and lifted it to his mouth. Banoffee. "The President." Ren replied as he picked up a fork and sat down. The dizziness was starting to bother him, so he guessed that eating something with a lot of sugar in might give him the boost he needed until nightfall. If Yashiro was going to be around him for the next few days, he'd make sure he slept. Even if it meant hitting him with a crowbar.

Yashiro was silent for a moment, and Ren wrongly assumed that he had dropped it. However, a strange choking sound started up behind him and Ren turned in his seat to regard a red-faced Yashiro who was staring at Ren, bug eyed with his jaw hanging. "He...ho... how? How does he... How does he know my sizes?"

Ren shrugged. "I thought you knew that the President knows everything."

Five minutes later, and after Yashiro had managed to compose himself, Jerry returned with a heavy case in her right hand and a dangerous expression.

"So." She started ominously. "Who is my first victim?" Then she brightened. "Just kidding! It will be a snap! So easy, you two will look positively _gorgeous_ when I finish with you. We're going to have to bleach your hair again I'm afraid Ren-kun, you're going blonde."

Ren's face blanched but he didn't say a word. Yashiro on the other hand, did not hold onto his composure as well, or rather, not at all.

"I'm NOT having a multicoloured mohawk!" He cried for the fifth time, yet again hiding behind Ren's chair as he continued to play with the banoffee cake he hadn't really touched.

"But Ren-kun said the complete opposite himself, so it's only fair that you follow the same vein!"

"I'm a lunatic at heart! Make me look normal!"

"Don't lie to me Yashiro-san! I can see in your heart! _I know what you are_."

"Don't say that again! That was creepy!"

"So! Let me plaaay!"

"Not a mohawk!"

"Oh please?"

Ren wasn't listening.

What would Kyoko think to all the trouble Ren was going to to find her? She would think she'd owe him massively for even worrying about her, but to go to such measures... no normal sempai would do that for his kohai... so would she twig on to the feelings that he had barely managed to keep hidden? That is, from everyone but her. Sometimes it was actually amusing how she misconstrued his actions and words into something on the complete wrong end of the spectrum to the truth and remained completely oblivious. It was... an endearing quality perhaps. But then it was also frustrating. Was kissing her the only way she'd understand the truth about his affections?

He clenched his fists. If – no – _when_ he got Kyoko back, he would make sure she _knew_ exactly how he felt about her, and he would take care to explain to her that if she gave her heart to him, he would treasure it, and heal the wounds that _bastard_ Sho inflicted upon it. He would tell her that his love meant forever, not just when it was convenient to him.

He was brought back to earth with a bump as Jerry leapt for Yashiro, _over_ the chair, her arms extended. She gripped Yashiro's shoulders and began to shake him roughly, tears springing in her eyes.

"you can't not let me Yashiro-saaaan! This is my liiife. I need to make you into the opposite of what you are! That is the gauntlet Ren has thrown down, the _challenge_ and I will not back down, no matter what!" Jerry was crying, though her voice was shrill, it was still oddly easy to hear exactly what she said. She wanted to chance that he did not hear a word she said. She wanted him to _understand_.

Ren sighed and rubbed his face with both hands. "Jerry, we don't want to stand out, it is probably best to have Yashiro suit my look." Jerry pouted but removed her hands from Yashiro's shaking shoulders and stomped over to her case.

"Fine. Even if you try to dam up my imaginative flow, I will find away to seep out, mark my words." She narrowed her eyes at Yashiro, whose knees started to shake. "You haven't heard the last of this." and she turned on her heel and left, taking her case with her, probably to replace Yashiro's items as he did not agree with her first idea.

"Ren." Yashiro sounded unsure.

"Yashiro." Ren had picked up the plate again and was forcing himself to eat the cake. He hated to admit it, but it was very good.

"Why did you pick me?"

At this Ren looked up from the cake, frowning up at his manager. "pick you for what?"

At first, Yashiro looked uncomfortable. He pushed his glasses further up his nose and motioned to the whole room, his arms wide. "This. Why did you want me to be your sidekick? I'm not an actor Ren, I'm just Yashiro. Your manager." He smiled though, obviously honoured that Ren did pick him. "I'm not complaining though."

Ren smiled, the first true smile Yashiro had seen from him in days, despite the sadness that still remained, etched into the corners of his gentle smile. "I trust you Yashiro." He said, knowing how surprised Yashiro would be at Ren's gentle tone. "You're a true friend, and I really need your help. You're the only one I can count on to be by my side, aside from Kyoko of course and she's..." His voice faded and he felt himself falling into his reverie again, but Yashiro's hand on his shoulder stilled him.

"I understand. Thank you, Ren."

Ren nodded and looked up as Jerry-shaped blur came rushing back with a larger case in her hands. She came to a stumbling halt and dropped it on the floor before looking both Ren and Yashiro up and down appraisingly. Then she clicked her fingers. "I've got it. Ren, you first!"

He pushed himself up. Great. Time to change yet again. But then he smiled sadly as he followed her and sat down in a chair she had prepared. _But it's all worth it if it means I can get Kyoko back. _

***The stylist was called both Jerry and Jelly in the scans I have read(bought the manga still, love it) so I went with Jerry. Don't kill me.**

**I used Yashiro as comic-relief mainly, and the fact that he'd be a good little carer for Ren as he's not really paying attention to what his body needs. Worse than normal in fact. **

**Okay I might've exaggerated a little on the length of the chapter – but they are going to get a bit fuller as the fic goes on, and It won't seem half as choppy. Currently the job I have requires me to wake up at 4am, so when I get home I go a little like Kyoko in the first chapter of the manga when she arrives at her second job. Writing when tired is fun! So just bear with me please :) **

**Thanks to all who have read but special thanks to: **

**EllaLewis: **Thank you for your review! And for the kind words! It's nice to see people read and review on the beginning – gives a writer that little nudge. X

**Laura-Ella: **Well a lot has got to happen in the meantime ;) I have some good plot ideas and some things that still need a lot of work, but I'm trying really hard. x

**My Name: **I hope you do! I love the idea so far. It just walked into my head. It started with a question: what would Ren do if Kyoko went missing? Hence the fic. X

**Voidy**: lol! Thank you for the review and for the interest you seem to have in this story. It was the President who first called the police to investigate Kyoko's disappearance X

**Reika-ChanxX: **I might've exaggerated on the chapter length a _little_ bit, ended up as 4 times the length. But it is my intent to make the chapters longer as I go. And I am going to have existing characters in this, but some of my own creation.

**Jhiz: **No Pressure! lol! I hope it will be as good as people expect. Thank you for reviewing.

**SmilingSpaz**: Your name made me laugh! And I'll try! Thank you for the review!


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